What will they think of next?
Ben Skipworth
Issue date: 2/4/10 Section: Opinion
On January 28, Apple front man Steve Jobs unveiled the iPad. The device was intended to bridge the gap between the world's beloved iPhone and notebook computers. There is a hot debate over how much the iPad has lived up to the hype. It doesn't have USB ports and doesn't support Flash. Although Apple just released the iPad, rumors have already surfaced of the company's latest offering to the technologically savvy. Here are the details:
Now introducing, and just released today at your favorite tech retail store, the Apple iPee'd. The latest offering
in the line of Apple products ensures that you can take care of "number one" and look technologically advanced
while doing it. The iPeed features an elegant stainless steel toilet seat with an eco-friendly waste disposal bowl
attached.
Utilizing new Bluetooth "cheek-phones," the iPee'd quickly puts an entire catalog of songs at your cheeks.
Simply sit on the iPeed once and it will make you rethink the way you dispose of bodily fluids. Who doesn't
want to sit down and use "number one" to the soothingly serene sounds of Enya? So that now you can relieve
yourself and feel like you're in a touching scene from Lord of the Rings. I know exactly what you're thinking.
"But Ben, only women sit down when they use the restroom." Yes, this is the case; however, like most Apple
products, there is already a newer, better, more affordable model.
First Apple added patch 3.2.4.1 that engages the "kindergarten-pee" feature. If at any point a grown man gets
the urge to pull his pants down to his ankles to do "number one," the iPeed will automatically readjust his pants
to a more mature, suitable level for adult restroom usage.
The newest patch has quickly earned the respect of women everywhere. The seat down function puts the lid
down time and time again. Although these patches were helpful, men still cried foul, so Apple gave the men
what they wanted.
Now introducing, and just released today at your favorite tech retail store, the Apple iPee'd. The latest offering
in the line of Apple products ensures that you can take care of "number one" and look technologically advanced
while doing it. The iPeed features an elegant stainless steel toilet seat with an eco-friendly waste disposal bowl
attached.
Utilizing new Bluetooth "cheek-phones," the iPee'd quickly puts an entire catalog of songs at your cheeks.
Simply sit on the iPeed once and it will make you rethink the way you dispose of bodily fluids. Who doesn't
want to sit down and use "number one" to the soothingly serene sounds of Enya? So that now you can relieve
yourself and feel like you're in a touching scene from Lord of the Rings. I know exactly what you're thinking.
"But Ben, only women sit down when they use the restroom." Yes, this is the case; however, like most Apple
products, there is already a newer, better, more affordable model.
First Apple added patch 3.2.4.1 that engages the "kindergarten-pee" feature. If at any point a grown man gets
the urge to pull his pants down to his ankles to do "number one," the iPeed will automatically readjust his pants
to a more mature, suitable level for adult restroom usage.
The newest patch has quickly earned the respect of women everywhere. The seat down function puts the lid
down time and time again. Although these patches were helpful, men still cried foul, so Apple gave the men
what they wanted.
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