What will they think of next?
Ben Skipworth
Issue date: 2/4/10 Section: Opinion
Only days after the release of the iPeed men around the globe felt that the new Apple device was sexist. To
satisfy men, I now proudly introduce the Apple iPoo'd. The Apple iPoo'd will quickly replace dogs as men's
best friend. The device features customizable seats that feature various professional sports teams and a bowl
that cleans itself. Yes, there's an app for that. Simply go to the App Store, download the Skid-B-Gone app and
sit back as 15 lasers burn away left over material.
What are three things that men love? Women, hot wings and football, and not necessarily in that order. Apple
may not be able to provide the first two, but they can provide the football part. For an additional 149.99 you can
have your favorite pro quarterback congratulate you after "making poopie." Imagine having your own special
bond with Peyton Manning, the possibilities are endless.
The iPoo'd now comes with even more space for music than the iPee'd ever dreamed of. The iPood also uses
"cheek phone" technology. Simply sit down on the seat and a small screens comes out of the side of the bowl.
Select your music and enjoy a nice, relaxing sitting. For those really intense sittings where you feel like you're
trying to pass a small Gremlin, rock out to Metallica.
What about the awkward period of meeting your girlfriend's family? Don't let the iPoo'd block you. The new
courtesy flush feature works wonders. And for those quiet car rides with significant others, the iPoot silencer is
simply incredible.
All jokes aside, Apple is starting to annoy me.
satisfy men, I now proudly introduce the Apple iPoo'd. The Apple iPoo'd will quickly replace dogs as men's
best friend. The device features customizable seats that feature various professional sports teams and a bowl
that cleans itself. Yes, there's an app for that. Simply go to the App Store, download the Skid-B-Gone app and
sit back as 15 lasers burn away left over material.
What are three things that men love? Women, hot wings and football, and not necessarily in that order. Apple
may not be able to provide the first two, but they can provide the football part. For an additional 149.99 you can
have your favorite pro quarterback congratulate you after "making poopie." Imagine having your own special
bond with Peyton Manning, the possibilities are endless.
The iPoo'd now comes with even more space for music than the iPee'd ever dreamed of. The iPood also uses
"cheek phone" technology. Simply sit down on the seat and a small screens comes out of the side of the bowl.
Select your music and enjoy a nice, relaxing sitting. For those really intense sittings where you feel like you're
trying to pass a small Gremlin, rock out to Metallica.
What about the awkward period of meeting your girlfriend's family? Don't let the iPoo'd block you. The new
courtesy flush feature works wonders. And for those quiet car rides with significant others, the iPoot silencer is
simply incredible.
All jokes aside, Apple is starting to annoy me.
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